There are times God stops me in my tracks. He makes it clear He wants me to change directions with what I am writing for the week. And I say, “Ok, God, You’ve made it clear. I will write about this instead.”
I’ve come to the conclusion that this blog is specifically timed for someone out there. Someone who’s struggling right now. Needing hope. Fighting to hang on. You’re wrestling with doubts about the goodness of God, and you’re not sure if the Christian life is indeed the answer. You’re floundering to make sense of the “mess” of life. Questioning how a good Father could allow this.
You’re ready to give up.
If this is you, will you allow me to gently speak into your heart? Just me and you.
I know struggle. The doubts, confusion, anger and the intense pain. The unanswered questions…sorting through all your broken pieces. Trying to determine where to go from here.
Life is not easy. I could share with you about the life-threatening health conditions of two of our children, the months and months in the hospital…years of on-going health conditions. The miscarriages. The huge blow of losing our oldest son six years ago.
But even the last few months have been difficult for me. This past week, we’ve been visiting the area where my best friend for over twenty years used to live. Five months ago, she unexpectedly passed away from a brain tumor. And my heart once again felt ripped in half. Marilyn was my bosom friend. The friend I used to live and work with before we were married. I loved her like a sister.
Today, as I was leaving our motorhome to drive to a coffee shop and write this blog, I jumped into the van that Marilyn’s husband offered us to use while we’re in the area. As I climbed in, memories flooded me. So many great memories of driving with her in this van. Heart to heart conversations. Lots of laughter. Her tears as I cried about the loss of my son.
As I was driving, tears began streaming. I drove past many of the stores, restaurants, and the coffee shop in this area that hold special memories of wonderful times we’ve had together. As I cried, I began thanking God for these wonderful memories.
I turned on the CD that was in the player, and my heart instantly connected with the first song that played. Chris Tomlin’s lyrics of Good, Good Father so wonderfully expressed my feelings. I wept. And worshipped.
Yes, I miss Marilyn incredibly much. But my life has been much richer and blessed because of her.
My friend, God truly is a good Father.
I used to question this. And you may also. But He deeply loves you, regardless of your difficult circumstances. You don’t really know who God is if you can’t find His love in your darkest night. He’s waiting to show you that He loves you and wants to carry you through your trials and losses.
If you’ve never experienced the blessing of a loving and godly earthly father, it can make it hard to view God as the loving and engaged Father He actually is.
God’s goodness has less and less to do with my circumstances, but more with His enabling grace and peaceful presence. He gives me the strength to face each battle. Not with despondency and depression, but with true joy in spite of pain.
My friend, you can also have the peace and assurance that He’s right there in the mess of life with you. He weeps when you weep. He loves you.
You will never experience healing until you know how much God understands, cares, and loves you.
But as I reflect on God’s goodness, I realize that I can’t begin to describe it. There are no words to accurately depict a love so unfathomable. It has to be experienced.
Ironically, God has redeemed my losses to enable me to experience His love. He wants to do the same for you. I like to think of a sovereign cycle of God. It looks like this:
God created a perfect world. Satan caused the fall and the cycle of pain began. God sends His Son to redeem fallen man and offers eternal life. During pain and loss, Satan again brings lies which cause us to question God’s goodness and blame Him. God again redeems by offering His peaceful presence and sustaining grace during our losses while reminding us of our eternal home. Free of all pain.
My friend, God is truly GOOD. He’s my good, good Father. Is He yours? If you’re not convinced of God’s goodness, the problem is yours and not God’s. Only YOU can do something about it.
God is waiting to redeem your loss and enable you to experience His love. Will you allow Him?
The climax of loving God is choosing to worship Him while you weep.
~Cindy (For The Mullett Family)