As I sat in the foreboding and sterile Intensive Care Unit holding the still and cold hand of my sixteen-year-old son, my heart felt dead, in spite of the screams of, “God, why?” that were reverberating within. The almost eerie sound of the ventilator was grating against my emotions as I was fully aware that it was the only thing that was causing the rising and falling of his chest and providing any warmth to his body. Although he was physically still in my presence, I knew that my firstborn, and my only son, was no longer truly there with me. The comfort of knowing that his spirit was in the presence of Jesus wasn’t able to silence the anguish and questions that demanded an answer. I no longer felt like the same person who, just hours earlier, exuberantly exclaimed to everyone in the small emergency room, “His heart is beating! They got his heart beating again!” 

How could I, in the same day, experience this roller coaster of such extreme emotions? Why would God allow me to suffer through the agony of having my hopes soar only to have them come crashing down so unmercifully? Even as my mind was numbed, trying to grasp what had taken place on this unforgettable day, the pain that was tearing up my heart refused to find relief. I thought our family’s journey had already nearly faced the extent of pain and loss that God would require of us. After all, God is a loving God, isn’t He? Little did I know about the journey on the horizon, as we continued to search for the answers to, “God, why?” 

As we travel and hear the hearts of many hurting people in our world today, the anguish expressed in the big question of, “God, why?” connects deeply within our souls. This is because we

Our son, Austin’s grave marker

have also intensely wrestled with this question many times in our lives. I believe there is no other question more heartfelt than this one. If left unanswered, it can literally drive a person to the point of depression, despair, and then even physical destruction. It is a question that must have an answer, in spite of people explaining that there are some things that we will never understand. I fully agree with this statement, however, I believe the healing process must include finding some answers to this fervent soul cry.

You may find yourself repeatedly coming back to this question as you struggle to financially provide for the needs of your family. As you watch someone close to you making wrong decisions that bring hurt to themselves and break your heart, you wrestle with this question. When someone you love is hurt because of unfair treatment or a broken heart, you can’t help from going here. In spite of everything you are doing to stop it, your relationship with your spouse continues to turn sour. The hopelessness you experience after years of not being able to conceive, nearly turns to despair as you, again, hear a friend struggling with accepting her unplanned pregnancy. Asking “God, why?” is almost a daily response when you look at your child and realize he will always struggle to succeed in life. When an unexpected accident or disability forever changes your life or the life of someone you love, this ugly cry threatens to steal all joy and purpose. When you see the strong marriages that others enjoy or see the families they were raised in, this question leads more to self-pity and confusion rather than to answers. As you watch your loved one on their death bed, and then later when you visit their grave, the silent scream of, “God, why?” totally threatens to take away the last bit of faith that you were so desperately clinging to.

If any of these scenarios describes you, then I encourage you to join our family as we attempt to find the answers to this profound and deeply intense question…Yes, there ARE specific answers to this question and it is not wrong to ask it.
Our family has diligently searched and God has been faithful in hearing our cries and providing answers. Psalms 34:17 says, “The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.” Notice that this verse says that God hears the cries of a righteous person. This doesn’t mean that we need to be perfect in order for God to hear us. This would exclude all of us! We are righteous when we are covered by the blood of Jesus Christ, and when we are in a relationship with Him. Although we will still fail and struggle with sin until the day we die, we can be forgiven and appear righteous to God when He sees us through the reflection of His sinless and righteous Son.

The first step of God hearing your cry and helping you to find answers to all of your “God, why?” questions, is simply by being in a relationship with Jesus and making Him Lord of your life. This means you must first acknowledge that you are a sinner and have a deep separation between you and God. You must be sorry for your sins and willing to repent and turn away from them. If you truly believe that Jesus is the Son of God and the ONLY way to heaven, you will be willing to ask Him to come into your heart and to forgive and cleanse you. After you are forgiven, you will then become a son or daughter of the heavenly Father. God will then hear your cries, because you now belong to Him. You are His child!

I can’t share Psalms 34:17 without also sharing John 16:33: “These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome.” This means that since we live in a sinful world, we WILL have trouble. However, the way that God delivers us (as in Psalms 34:17) is by giving us unexplainable peace in the midst of our trials.

If you find yourself struggling with the big and tough question of, “God, why?” then our prayer is that you will realize that you are NOT alone. We know there are answers for you and it would be a joy for our family to help you find them as we travel this journey together. My next blog will reveal some of the answers we have found…

~Cindy (For The Mullett Family)

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalms 23:4)