PC Alisha Mullett
This past year was a tough one for me. My eczema and side-effects of my medication usually keeps me awake at night. A lot. So during the nights, I’m praying for whoever comes to my mind, and I’m writing. And until He chooses to heal me, I’m learning to be thankful for what I’m learning, even if both my flesh and faith feels impossibly weak.
So I’m writing.
I’m writing to the soul that’s done with being different; to the person who’s ready to stop trying to be. To the hypocrite who’s tired of the talk, to the weary who’s still doing the dance:
You know this dance well…
It’s been your companion in the day, when it controls your thoughts. And it’s never left your side in the night, when it kept you tossing and turning. It’s bigger-than-life in your dreams, and it feels like your whole life in reality.
…but you know this talk even better. The doctors, the questions, the theories..they are your world. You’re tired of struggling, sick of long explanations, and done swapping words with people who pity you. But sympathy is better than aloneness any day, so you’ll take it. But somehow even while people show they care, you still can’t help feeling alone. You’re sick of being sick. You’re done with being different and having problems others don’t know and can’t understand.
If this is you, keep reading.
If your health is your thorn, and you’re feeling discouraged; If you can’t seem to get better, no matter how much you try and pray and cry to be.
I get you. You may not have had a heart transplant or eczema and psoriasis and leaky gut; Maybe it’s not the same exact problem, but sickness is hard regardless of what kind it is. Some of the hardest battles one can have are the invisible ones. And the worst part of this battle?
You believe you should know better. The worry, the shame…they come as everyday thoughts. And just when you’re finding comfort in your Father’s love, you hear that your suffering is your fault. And while part of you recognizes the lies for what they really are, you still listen to them because lies can make so much sense. Shouldn’t a “legit Christian” be stronger than their doubts?
You worry about your worry, and you forget what you should be remembering. And when life is crazy and chaos seems to break loose, there’s actually only one thing you need to remember:
Just because you feel broken, it doesn’t mean you are. If feelings could trump reality we would all be in trouble. You are always more then your problems…and whoever makes you feel otherwise is simply wrong. Don’t let the lukewarmers distract you. They’re insulting your Creator and you don’t have to please them anyway. What anyone other than Yeshua thinks of you doesn’t matter, yet it may be affecting you more than you know.
So when your battles are your life, and when you cover up you flaws. When your mustard seed is in a pink drink, and you bury the truth in an “I’m fine”.
If this is you, keep reading. Because your story isn’t over.
Normal is just a word and figment anyhow. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, life will never be “normal”. But that doesn’t matter. Remember the truth instead of building your worth on figments, and the truth may just be closer than you think. And what if you feel too weak to believe it when it comes?
Be a noodle. Be weak. You have my permission to the weakest noodle imaginable, just as long as you don’t forget to be a believing noodle. Because your pride won’t sustain you on the bad days anyhow.
Any long-term sickness will emotionally affect you more than you thought it would. I’ve discovered that a lot this past year. No my friend, you aren’t loosing your mind. And no matter how embarrassing your issues may be, you won’t find a mask thick enough to cover forever. So be real with God, yourself, and those who fiercely love you. Tell that friend how you’re actually doing. Because the point isn’t whether they can understand or not, it’s whether they care enough to try. Then be patient. And don’t forget to move on. Let Him work instead of you and keep believing that things will be better one day.
Because it will.
Yeah if this is you, keep reading…because your story is far from over.
Alisha (for the Mullett family)