I look out the window streaked with misty condensation. The coolness from outside combating the cozy warmness from within. The leaves are drifting delicately from the trees, becoming more barren with each passing day. The ground, a blanket of pine needles and an array of colors.
My soul aches. An ache and longing so deep it’s hard to put into words. I yearn for something. I feel unrest. But I haven’t yet recognized the source of the ache, much less able to know how to heal it.
With a bit of trepidation, I begin to dig deeper as to why I ache. Why the subtle feelings of hopelessness and despair. After all, I am incredibly blessed. Yes, our family has broken places, just as everyone does. But it’s more than that.
As I savor the last few bites of my pumpkin dessert and sip the hot, creamy liquid from one of my favorite mugs, I begin to identify the stirrings within. The cause of my soul ache.
I ache for so many. And I say, “God, why all the brokenness around me?” I feel myself carrying the pain of many individuals. I weep for the pain caused by almost any imaginable circumstance. The painful stories we hear of daily.
A friend facing rejection and pain from an unfaithful spouse. The death of a loved one. A family in turmoil because of a hurting, rebellious teenager. A major life-changing surgery. Ravishing diseases taking over someone’s body. Marriage tensions. Church splits. Suicide. Depression. Financial losses. Sexual abuse. The list goes on…
I ache because I long for wholeness. For less dysfunction and more healing. My heart screams, “Why is everything broken around me? How do I press through this suffering mess?”
As the sun suddenly streams through the last dying leaves clinging tightly to the trees, it whispers perspective. Jesus gently reminds me. Brokenness comes before restoration. Death proceeds eternal life. An impossibility contains the makings of a miracle.
You see, seasons come and go. Cold winters are times of reflection. Preparation for what is next. But how do we keep our hearts from turning ice cold during harsh and barren times?
We grow cold when we fail to embrace the warmth around us. The warmness from within can combat the coldness from without. The small blessings we choose to focus on can help illuminate our next step, and offer hope to our aching souls.
Wholeness is embracing brokenness as part of our world. We will always be touched by brokenness, but we can determine what happens with our broken pieces. We are just as loved when we are hurting and falling part as when we have it all together. Maybe God’s plan to change us involves grieving over our change of plans.
Brokenness can inspire us towards wholeness. As I again gaze out the window, my soul ache is comforted. Not because I can right all the wrongs in our broken world. But because God can. And He will.
I was never meant to carry this alone. And you weren’t either. Jesus wants to enter into our coldness. Our broken, ugly mess. He brings warmth into our aching souls. Have you welcomed Jesus into your broken world? The Lamb who was broken and slain understands. And can heal your pain.
“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” Rev. 21:4
~Cindy (For The Mullett Family)
“Who knows why God allows heartbreak, but the answer must be important enough because God allows His heart to break too.” (Ann Voskamp)