How Your “Why Me?” is Destroying You

Photo: Alisha Mullett

Why am I facing this health struggle? Why, God, did You have to take him? Haven’t I went through enough? Why do we have to struggle so much financially? Why does this have to happen now?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve personally struggled with my own set of “Why, me?” questions. Isn’t it ironic how some things happen in life? You just begin to see light at the end of the tunnel when it caves in again. After many years of hard work, you finally reach retirement. But then because of your failing health, the travels you were anticipating aren’t happening.

You look forward to an anniversary trip with your spouse, but the dreaded C-word now makes its way into your marriage. So instead of the anniversary trip, you’re spending time at a cancer center, discussing treatment plans and scheduling surgeries.

The wedding you dreamt of and the married life you anticipated now ends up in a heaping mess of tears and a broken heart. Why me, God?

God, what have I done to deserve being rejected by my spouse? Don’t You care I never imagined I’d ever be a lonely, single parent? Why would You allow this?

Why can’t we just have a healthy relationship with our teenager? Why does it seem like the harder I try, the more they react?

Can you identify with any of these feelings? Chances are, you can. Our family has struggled with our own “Why, God?” questions over the years. Some times they were caused by “big blows” like cancer, heart failure, chronic health conditions or death. But we’ve also struggled with these questions during the “smaller blows” life brings.

You’d think that after we’ve faced the many life-altering and heart-shattering events, we’d be immune to the smaller annoyances. But I find I’m still human enough to still struggle even when the loss isn’t a major one.

How do these “Why me?” questions destroy us?

They cause us to focus on ourselves. Yes, I know that even Jesus asked “Why, God?” And there’s a place and way to ask God why. Asking God to show you why He allows something to happen is not the same as demanding an answer. There’s a time for these why questions to be healthy and acceptable, but too often I find myself asking them because of my focus being on myself. If I choose to focus on others rather than myself, the “Why me’s?” often turns into “Why not me?”  I certainly don’t deserve to have more than others have. When you look at others who are facing trials much harder than yourself, it causes us to say, “Why not me?”

Photo: Alisha Mullett

Our attitudes become ungrateful. It’s extremely hard to ask the why questions while still remaining grateful. When we focus on gratitude, the questions have a way of dissipating. A grateful person doesn’t stay stuck in the“if only” stage. Oh God, help me!

We forget God’s goodness and His blessings. My friend, you may not be wealthy in riches, but you likely have an abundance. Take a closer look at your possessions. If you have more than is needed to sustain life, you are blessed. If you have family or friends who love and care for you, you are extremely blessed. And if you have both….Do you ever have a reason to complain? Do you realize the abundance of your blessings? Open my eyes, Jesus!

We overlook God’s previous protection. God has recently begun impressing on my mind how He is unjustly being blamed. Think about it. God carefully protects, richly blesses, and lovingly watches over each of us. Think of the many hours, days, years that He’s given to you where nothing major has come your way. Life has been at least somewhat enjoyable and good. (Or maybe it’s even been wonderful!) But then all of a sudden, a huge “blow” comes your way. Oops! God messed up this time. And we angrily blame Him.

Now wait a minute…didn’t He just bless you abundantly and protect you all these times and ways? When have you ever been such a flawless and highly prized possession that you deserve only goodness flowing your way? I’m sorry, but we all know this is just not the case. (Or am I the only one who’s a mess?)

Yes, there’ve been many times when I’ve felt we’ve deserved better than what God allowed to come our way. But when I took a good look at the incredibly ways and innumerable times God blessed us, I realized it was very unfair to become angry at Him for allowing these things into our lives. This whole, fallen mess isn’t the world He originally created, and it’s not His fault. God is worthy of our adoring praise rather than our accusations.

Change us, Lord!

~Cindy (For The Mullett Family)

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