PC Alisha Mullett
Sexual abuse/molestation is painful and ugly. It hurts. Deeply. Sexual abuse is one of the greatest violations that can be committed to a person, especially to an unassuming and innocent child. Sexual molestation and abuse can be extremely damaging, yet, the church has for many years failed those who’s lives have been affected by this ugly demon. And it makes me angry!
Yes, I’m angry right now. I’m angry because the daughter of someone close to us was recently molested. At a family gathering. By a much older adult cousin. I’m angry because this incident also brought to light that the same perpetrator had previously molested her sister. Yet, she hadn’t felt safe to share it with her parents. And it certainly wasn’t because of something her parents’ weren’t doing right or were negligent in. They had told her multiple times to always tell them immediately if anyone tries touching her inappropriately. But she didn’t tell them because it felt bad and she was afraid it was somehow her fault.
I’m angry because these confused feelings are typical for a young victim. A child can tell these acts are dirty, unnatural, and wrong. And it angers me that an innocent child is forced to deal with this shame, guilt, and fear.
I’m angry because the church hasn’t truly seen the damaging affects of pornography. And hasn’t dealt with it like it should. It’s time the church deals with those enslaved in the grips of porn. And it’s way past time for the church to properly deal with those sexually molesting children.
Yes, I know the perpetrators are hurting, and they need help. But the power of sin is usually in its secrecy. Wrong has to be brought to “light” and properly dealt with, and sexual molestation needs to be taken to the law. Healing and repentance often doesn’t come until someone is completely broken and at the end of themselves. (*See note below)
Did you know that you are breaking the law if you know any form of sexual abuse took place, yet you neglect to report it if others haven’t?
I’m tired of the church using the excuse that it violates a biblical principle when we take things like this to the law. Often the scripture in 1 Cor. 6 is used to justify not reporting sexual abuse. Especially if it involves a “brother” within the church. This is maddening and extremely wrong! If you read further in this passage, it also clearly says someone who’s a sexual molester won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Paul is talking about trivial matters and is not saying we need to quietly endure the injuries caused by someone taking sexual liberties with our children.
1 Tim. 1:8-11 says,“We know that the law is good if one uses it properly. We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, for the sexually immoral…”
I’m angry because there are way too many young children, girls and women who are victimized. Loosing their innocence because of a sexual perversion. But I’m more angry because of those who’ve never had parents who went to the law because of it. Those children who’ve continued to carry the lie that it was their fault. And those who never had anyone do the right thing and expose it for what it was. I’ve had many women telling me what caused the deepest hurt and damage was the fact that nothing was ever done about it.
Our friends did the right thing in reporting this molestation, but many parents don’t. Meanwhile the perpetrator continues to add victims to his list and getting away with his sexual fantasies. You are seriously damaging your child, when your family’s reputation is more important than doing the right thing and reporting it.
I’m angry when, in some twisted way, the families who’ve been violated become the “bad people.” Because they do what the law requires, they are treated as if they are less than “Christian” because they didn’t allow the church to deal with it. All the situations we’ve seen when the church was dealing with it have been bad experiences. When a criminal activity is committed, it has to be prosecuted as a criminal act. Sexual molestation is a criminal activity. It doesn’t matter if it’s committed by a complete stranger or a family member. Yet, the church has for too many years not addressed it as such.
It makes me angry when parents are made to feel as if they are in the wrong when they are doing everything they can possibly do to prevent continued molestation from happening to their child. And to prevent it from happening to other innocent children. After all, not only was their child violated, but so were they.
I’m struggling with anger because those within the church have handled sexual molestation as nothing significant. In many ways, they’ve brushed it off. And the victims were forced to try to do the same. Yet, this mentality never brings true healing to either party.
The church has chosen to focus on the victim forgiving the offender, without bringing the perpetrator to justice. In this way, the church has miserably failed and has turned many away from the Lord.
Whatever happened to Jesus words about anyone offending His “little ones?” Are we not guilty of doing the same when we don’t speak up and bring justice to our precious children who don’t feel as if they have a voice?
Because when things are done to your body that you don’t like by someone who’s many years older, much stronger and bigger, that’s exactly how it feels. Please speak up! And lets stop the victimization that’s happening within the church. If we don’t, we’re also guilty of offending God’s precious little ones.
“But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” (Matt. 18:6)
~Cindy (For The Mullett Family)
*Note: (We regularly share the love and forgiveness of Jesus to sexual offenders in prisons and churches. We don’t believe they are unpardonable. We recognize that hurting people hurt others. Although this doesn’t justify their actions, we understand many sex offenders struggle with deep hurts and rejection. Our desire is for each perpetrator to experience the love and forgiveness of our Father. And the forgiveness from those they’ve offended. This post isn’t as much about the perpetrator, but about how the church often mis-handles these situations.)