Alisha’s tiny body grunted and groaned with each breath, in spite of the highest power of life support available. Her ten-pound body occupied less space on the ICU bed than the dozen med pumps, wires, and life-saving apparatus.
Tears streamed down my face as I watched in heartbreak as my beautiful baby girl struggled for each precious breath. My intense desire to gather and comfort her in my arms was replaced with the stark realization that I could hardly find a spot of her body to actually touch.
As I helplessly watched and cried, this became my prayer…
“God, I choose to trust You.”
During our son’s incredibly intense journey with two very aggressive and deadly cancers, my faith waned and I became overwhelmed, distraught, and discouraged. There was simply nothing that had prepared my mother’s heart in helplessly watching my children suffer. In desperation, I prayed for healing for Austin while my battle cry became this…
“God, I choose to love You.”
For nearly eleven years, I struggled with the loss of infertility. In the midst of our children’s heart transplants and cancers, my heart still deeply yearned for the blessing of another child. I rejoiced with friends and family members as they once again were blessed with another healthy child, while I hid many private tears. The emptiness within my arms and heart moved me to say…
“God, I choose to surrender to Your plan.”
Even after this surrender, I was still caught off guard as I watched the nurses remove my sixteen-year-old son from life support. Watching the monitor flat line, his chest go still and his body begin to grow cold brought a brokenness and coldness into my own heart. I weep now as I remember and reflect. Nothing I’ve ever faced was as brutally painful as the harsh reality of saying good bye to my amazing son. But this intentional prayer is what has sustained and carried me during this journey of loss…
“God, I choose to bless You.”
I have a vivid memory of our daughter, Brianna, as she watched the casket of her best friend and brother being lowered into the ground. I could see the anguish and intense pain and loss deeply etched on her face. Being in the center of two siblings with intense health struggles had already caused unfair losses, unexpected circumstances and feelings of being “less important.” I ached as I realized what all this was going to mean for my precious first-born daughter. I simply could not imagine how I was going to survive without Austin, much less knowing how to help her process her pain. But I was convinced that God would give grace for each of our moments, and my prayer became…
“God, I choose to believe You.”
For the past two years, I’ve again helplessly watched Alisha as her skin and her physical and emotional health has been greatly compromised by dangerous black mold exposure. It has wracked unbelievable havoc to her body.
I have marveled and praised my Father as I’ve seen deep faith arising from within my broken and vulnerable daughter.
After nine months of cancelling our tour schedule, to battle this sickness, our family again traveled to share music and song last weekend. Alisha is still not well, and as she attempted to sing again one evening, she realized her lungs are still too weak.
We played the music video “Even If” that Brianna and Alisha recorded several months ago. Because she couldn’t sing, Alisha spoke the words…her voice cracking with emotion, and breaking down a few times to cry.
As she lifted her hand in worship to her Father, there were many tears. Both from those in the audience, and in our own eyes. We know this song will be a blessing and encouragement to many, and we thank God for the opportunity to share it with you.
As we continue to journey through life with all it’s ups and downs, we are convinced that God is ALWAYS ENOUGH. He is always good…Even if He doesn’t always heal.
If we’ve learned anything through our journey of suffering it is this:
The greatest suffering I will ever face will NOT be the result of any painful experience, but the result of MY response to it.
Our family’s desire is not to focus on our suffering, pain or losses, but to focus on “ending well.” The prayer that is currently on my lips is this…
“God, I choose to rest and abide in You.”
~Cindy (For The Mullett Family)
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18 Comments
Lois Groff
Posted at 19:49h, 04 SeptemberThank-you Alisha, for sharing this. I couldn’t hold back my tears as I read this and listened to your song. You are truly an inspiration to me. I too live with pain every day, praying to God for His healing mercies over me. I know God has a perfect plan for each one of us. He will never leave us or forsake us. He will carry us through every step of the way. May you be blessed today and every day as you continue to reach out to others. Love you, and thanks for sharing this encouragement with us. I think of you often and wonder how you’re doing. Keep looking up! GOD is always looking down.
Marian Sensenig
Posted at 08:51h, 05 SeptemberYou are special. As hard as surviving my be, God is using you for His purpose.
Leslie Byler
Posted at 09:00h, 05 SeptemberWith the passing of my wife last year it’s been difficult at times to praise through the pain,but songs like”Even Now” have been a great encouragement to me! Thanks So Much for your encouragement in the way y’all respond to the difficult circumstances! Love your blogs and video! God Bless immensely!?
Marlene Rutt
Posted at 12:41h, 05 SeptemberAlisha, thank you for sharing your beautiful testimony of choosing to praise and trust the Lord in the midst of your pain and suffering. God is so faithful and we will continue praying for you.
Cathy Weaver
Posted at 15:10h, 05 SeptemberYour song was absolutely beautiful and your story moved me to tears. You have an amazing story to tell and your faith is so strong even after going through horrible trials. I will keep you in my prayers as you travel this journey – a journey one would never choose for themself. We have seen your family in concert several times and enjoy them immensely! Keep the faith beautiful girl!
Marie
Posted at 22:02h, 05 SeptemberWas very blessed by this blog. Please keep us in prayer. We have been going through difficult times the last few years. And just lost our 18 month old daughter.
Ashlyn
Posted at 01:08h, 09 SeptemberCindy, thank you for sharing Alisha’s story. God directed me to your blog through a friend and I am so thankful. Cindy, your faith is a shining light and your story gave me courage to keep on trusting for one more day. God bless you and your family! Alisha, God promises you that He will open the door of hope in the valley of death. (Hosea 2:15) When our dreams must die, it is only because He wants to give us one that is more beautiful. Keep the smile on your face and the song of trust to Jesus in your heart!
Cindy
Posted at 23:28h, 10 SeptemberLois, thank you for your words of life and blessing to Alisha. It means so much to her. It makes us very sad to hear about the daily pain you are living with. But it is obvious that God is your sustaining strength and He is strengthening you in ways you probably don’t realize. Thank you for allowing Him to be seen through you. Prayers for each of your painful moments.
Cindy
Posted at 23:30h, 10 SeptemberThank you so much, Marian, for your kind words. Praise the Lord!
Duane & Cindy
Posted at 23:41h, 10 SeptemberOh, Leslie, we’re so sorry to hear about your wife’s passing. Our hearts ache for your huge loss. We cannot imagine what it must be like to lose a spouse. We pray that God will overwhelm you with His great love and sustaining grace. It is obvious you are being intentional in using your weapon of rejoicing. Most of life’s battles are truly fought with this weapon. And thank you for continuing to choose Jesus. Others are being drawn to Him in your life. We will be praying for grace for each of your moments.
Cindy
Posted at 23:43h, 10 SeptemberThank you, Marlene, for these sweet words of life to Alisha. God is so good!
Cindy
Posted at 23:46h, 10 SeptemberOh, Cathy, your comment is so encouraging to Alisha and means so much. Thank you for speaking words of life. Jesus is obviously flowing out of you and it is a joy to be on the receiving end of the grace and kindness you are exemplifying.
Cindy
Posted at 23:59h, 10 SeptemberOh wow, Marie, our hearts are so sad to hear about your precious daughter’s passing. And all the other difficult things you’ve been facing. We are so sorry. Words are simply inadequate at a time like this. Our prayer is that God would protect your hearts from the lies the Enemy wishing to speak to you during this extremely vulnerable time in your lives. Never believe the lies that God doesn’t love or understand. He so deeply hurts and weeps with you. We will be praying for your family. Stay faithful. Heaven will be worth every tear you shed.
Cindy
Posted at 00:17h, 11 SeptemberYour words are like refreshing, life-giving rain to us, Ashlyn. Thank you for speaking these kind words of blessing. As I read them, I can sense you’ve experienced brokenness and loss yourself. Yet, you are graciously allowing God to use your pain as a platform to bless and encourage others. Thank you for how well you are exemplifying Jesus.
Anna
Posted at 18:01h, 12 SeptemberThis song has touched me deeply, and it gives me hope
I have been in a spiritual battle for about 5 months now. It has been the hardest and also the best thing that has happened to me. Pray for me that God will command satan to leave Anna and that I will surrender completely to God’s will.
Cindy
Posted at 11:53h, 15 SeptemberWe are blessed to hear of how you are allowing God to win this battle for you, Anna. We believe Satan knows He’s running out of time and he and his forces are working overtime right now. But, praise the Lord, the victory has already been won for each of us. Keep speaking the name of Jesus. Claim His word. Walk in faith. And never stop rejoicing and praising Him.
Ruby Overholt
Posted at 17:54h, 21 NovemberGod bless you with peace and joy through your suffering. This has been such an encouragement to me. My tears were flowing as I listened. Your sweet surrender is a sweet fragrance to our Lord Jesus. He is glorified through you. Thank you for being a vessel He is using.
Lori Feldman
Posted at 07:06h, 30 AprilDear Cindy-
I’ve been praying to find godly Christian music which truly edifies and encourages the hearer while blessing God and reflecting His glory. I’m so thankful the Lord gave you and precious family strength and determination to share the truth of Christ through the beautiful gift of music. Alisha’s song, Even If, has greatly encouraged me to not only trust the Lord, but also to understand that God can heal, but He uses pain and severe trials to glorify Himself as much or more than in healing. Thank you for your example of trusting and worshiping God in the midst of overwhelming trials as a mother. Thank you for using the gifts God has given you for blessing God and His people. “Though He slay me, yet will I serve Him…” Job 13:15