Why me, God? What have I done to deserve this? God, don’t You love me enough to stop this pain? If You can do something about it, then WHY don’t You?

Have you ever, like me, asked God this? Are you wrestling with suffering, disappointments, or loss? Is someone you love struggling with these tough questions in their lives right now? If so, then what is the best way to help them? How do we begin finding healing for our hurts and life’s disappointments when these questions are left unanswered? (I’ve found that it’s hard to heal without these 6 keys.)

I think we’ve all found that life is exciting, adventurous, fun, and filled with many blessings! But life is also downright messy. Chaotic. Hard. Ugly. Painful.

I know.

I’ve experienced it.

The good, the bad, and the ugly. I won’t go as far as describing it quite like the bumper sticker, “Life is hard, and then you die.” That sounds rather depressing, doesn’t it? I also believe life is meant to be much more than this! And I believe it will be much more IF we make the right choices in life. These choices include how we handle our “why, me?” questions.

Because of our family’s ministry, we are often surrounded by hurting people, and we hear many heartbreaking stories. Many individuals are crying out in pain and looking for the answers to why God would allow these difficulties to come their way.

These steps that I am going to share are several ways our family has found healing and perspective through our losses. But this is also helpful for life’s disappointments and the frustrations that come from living in a messy world.

These 6 steps are:

1.) Be aware of what God’s word says about our lives. Why do we naturally expect that our life will go well and fairly pain-free when we are serving God? Doesn’t His word clearly tell us otherwise?

“…In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

“Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.” (2 Tim. 3:12)

“We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus…” (2 Cor. 4:8-10)

2.) Take care of our own consequences, while accepting natural pain. There is a big difference between facing pain because of our personal moral choices and the pain that is caused by natural evils. Natural evil (hurricanes, tornadoes, diseases, etc.) are the result of living in a fallen world, whereas moral evil is caused by individuals. Moral evil may be caused by your own choices or the wrong choices others make that affect you.

3.) Recognize the pride that is at the root of asking, “why me?” I know it comes quite naturally for all of us to ask this question, but that’s because we are all born in sin and with the spirit of pride. I remember, years ago, believing that God will spare me from bad things simply because I was serving Him and didn’t deserve any suffering. (And, after all, I had a strong enough faith to totally believe and claim all physical healing.) In reality, why should I expect to suffer any less than Jesus did? After all…I was born in sin, continue to sin, and will struggle with this ugly and God defying sin nature until I die. Jesus was completely blameless, yet gave His very life to redeem me…So why NOT me?

4.) Take a hard look at what you really deserve. You and I deserve nothing but eternal separation and damnation from God.

“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” (Rom. 3:23)

“For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Rom. 6:23)

“But now in Christ Jesus ye who sometimes were FAR OFF are made nigh by the blood of Christ.” (1 Cho. 6:20)  

5.) Look for the ways your trials, losses, and pain are actually benefitting you. Depending where you are in your journey of grief, this may be to difficult for you to do right now. But eventually, when you are able to breathe a bit again, it is a crucial step towards finding healing. As we have given ourselves enough time, our family has been able to see benefits come from our losses. For example, because of the death of our son, Austin, we have a greater desire for Heaven, our faith in God has been strengthened, and we cherish our family relationships more–these are a few of the benefits.

6.) See how God is giving you this opportunity to bless and encourage others.

Years ago, during the heart transplants of our two children and the two cancers of our son, I remember struggling because people would tell me, “God has been using your children’s health issues to impact and change my life.” After years of seeing my dear children suffer, I struggled with angry feelings toward God and said, “God, haven’t You used my children enough? Can’t You use someone else’s children? Why me, God? And why my children AGAIN?”  Now, obviously, I had always prayed that God would use my children for His honor and glory, (like we all do!) but when it came down to it, I didn’t want Him to use them in THIS way.

Today, I am keenly aware that if it hadn’t been for our painful journey, we would never be involved in the ministry we are in today. Giving hope and walking with those who are deeply hurting. Yes, I would’ve chosen to have my children healthy and still alive with us today, yet, I am extremely grateful and humbled at the opportunities God continues to give us because of our journey.

My prayer is that you will also learn how to have the proper perspective and godly response to each of your “why, me?” questions. We are unable to truly worship God during our “why me?” moments. Our focus will be on ourselves rather than on our faithful God.

~Cindy (For The Mullett Family)